gray

my exact train of thought is hanging just out of the reach of my hand. i want so much so desperately. the weight of the world has managed to find it's way back to my weary shoulders, the strain wearing heavy on my exhausted muscles. i want to disappear. i want to time travel. i want it all back. a simple flip of a switch and there is an emergency exit, a way out. this could be the all time low. that night i was on that bridge, the shaking in the worn seats of my car, it all was just above this point. i feel the life draining from my limbs, running to repaint a faded red door. i feel such a physical taxation on my body, it's unlike anything i've ever experienced. my thoughts are wearing thin as well. more than likely not from an intense strain, i have just been watching my mind grow restless. a challenge. a strain. nothing is out of my reach anymore. it's like i have played the entire game to reach this point, but i am constantly caught in the remembrance of previous steps taken. i honestly believed here i would find my answers. retrace the steps and attempt to relive the moments the have now long passed by. i can see the entire world in gray. the purest of all things tainted by their own dingy undersides. the relationships between morality and economy, justice and defense, redefined within my mind so that nothing appears to be moral or just. the profit, both monetary and otherwise, worth every inch of the self yielded to appease one's desires. there is no love in my life. people love me, and i in turn love them, but everything seems so fragile, a delicate vase on the edge of the mantel as the house shakes to the ground. i need the scene to shift. the pivital jump sequence to the conclusion, just for a bit of comfort and piece of mind. the sun needs to rise, washing me in its warmth.

listening to -
wonderwall - oasis
under the bridge - the red hot chili peppers
shirts and gloves - dashboard confessional
a lack of color - death cab for cutie
moses (live) - coldplay
oh, you are the roots who sleep beneath my feet and hold the world in place - bright eyes