the cities are all sleeping.

the sun is gently trickling trough my open window, cascading to filter the room into barred segments. everything lays in simple ruins and piles, a concourse absentmindedly constructed by a semi modern man between the tasks of a pointless life. the summer is setting in - just yesterday i caught that unexpected intoxication as i wandered through the streets, the smell of summer paired with the sun on my back. it brought me back to a thousand moments playing through my mind all at once, no chance for comprehension, just a millisecond of remembrance for all things recorded in the summer. i no longer feel as though i am on the edge of something. it is as though i have reverted back to the middle of the desolate plain, scanning the horizon but seeing nothing but the familiar gray of a home long ago let go. i feel nothing here. no love, no passion, no zeal for exploration or expansion. it's times like this that i yearn for the great mountains covered in pine and the pacific forests behind them. it is these moments where i know that no matter how insecure and inconsiderate it may seem, my days here are numbered. last night i was lying under a cascading purple sky that spun as i thought of where it is i want to be. i need something new, something inexperienced where i can get my feet on the ground and my head in the sky again. i need a place that inspires me, not only in the sense of self-importance or even mind expansion, but the way that the river down by the weathered stairs used to. i want the world to be open again, but currently it seems to be the night of my life and the cities are all sleeping.

cross this heart. hope to die.

it made me uneasy. a chance upon the early afternoons sullen gray, washing it red and white with memory. you see darling, i had pushed it far behind my eyes to that place that i rarely go - and never mean to. i was sitting, knees under chin, a faded pair of gym shorts failing to cover the freckles marking my skin like dust covers a shelf, segmented. i saw a picture, one where i was no one near, time and space separated but yet brought back together. i wanted to see your smile again just then, the one you used to give me in a place that could never be my home again. that room, just the sheer vision of it on the artificial screen brought that intoxicating smell back to sabotage my senses. my mind wandered. pictures of a thousand different people mark my walls, and you are scattered among them, unaware. i pick over them, unaware. then at the precise gap in time the centrifuge is lit, causing a seismic reaction to rip through every molecule of every cell inside this structure. it burns, like a good night in a good bar, cigarette smoke in the air while the socially inept attempt to find someone to save them - to no avail. you see darling? do you understand dear? i ran away from you, and now i have fallen badly and splintered my bones and can not let you see me in this way. is there a reason? no. there is only you and i. there is only one, and the heart we shared you have handed away once again to another man. one in heavy boots, set for a heavy war, and off the dark will take you. another chance at light extinguished by the burden filled night. the air is humid in the box of human capacity, as the simple process carried by my lungs commences i realize that the air is getting thicker, a personal rain falling on a desolate boy fighting to become a man. the days are grow longer - poison oak up a splintery tree. the years are growing shorter, youth squandered without a passing contemplation, and we all fade to black as the night wears on the toll grows heavy. we have no more money to pay, we have no weapons to fight. just a passing thought of an empty room, a corner encapsulated by the most beautiful dream to ever cross this heart. hope to die.