30.1.09

25.

1. When I was six years old, i broke each of my arms within six weeks of one another. I broke my left first falling from the second story of bunk bed during the evening news. then, several weeks later I was chasing a cousin down the sidewalk and my sandal caught a crack. this led to the shattering of my right wrist. i only had two casts on for a few days. This event however directly led to me being ambidextrous. i throw a baseball, eat, and do a number of other things right handed. with my left hand i shoot a basketball and write.

2. I had my first kiss inside of a tractor wheel on a rural farm when i was four years old. I was so proud I told everyone in sunday school the following week, making "my other half" at the time turn bright red and run crying from the room.

3. When I construct a salad it consists solely of tomatoes, cucumbers and shredded cheese.

4. I immensely enjoy washing dishes. the smell of a dish room will always remind me of carefree days with john, anton, ship, jon, dane, arturo, cody, jew, chill, derek, tonna, hols and all of the rest of the crew at george's.

5. I love making plans, but hate following my own directions and decisions. This has led to many brilliant and healthful ideas gone to waste, and many quick fixes coming into play throughout my life.

6. When I have written music in the past, I have had experiences where I have felt truly connected with people. The energy that can flow between friends to construct melodies and keep things in time with no discussion or previous practice is one of the realest things i have ever felt. nothing will ever replace the days on the grounds of the bravo hotel with john, dustin, mike, fatty, and daniel.

7. I have had a reoccurring dream for as long as I can recall about the Wicked Witch of the West. In the dream she has me and an assortment of other individuals sitting in East Park right by the steeping stones on the gazebo side. I attempt to kick her into the pond. When I succeed she doesn't melt, and is just very angry. I always wake up at that same point. I have always wondered how everything will turn out.

8. The first time I ever went to Colorado was on a mission trip. My entire family went along. I did my best to ruin the trip for everyone. We played a game in small group one night were we were asked to put things that were important to us on note cards. Then we were told to discard ever so often until eventually my cheeks were soaked with tears as I killed off my own mother with her in front of my eyes. That experience has greatly influenced my life.

9. Every girl I have ever fallen in love with has actually had a "song." With Caroline, it was "I'll Catch You" by the Get Up Kids. With Hannah it is "Do You Remember" by Jack Johnson (or possibly "9 Crimes" by Damien Rice depending on the day). For Nicole it was "Konstantine" by Something Corporate. I let music narrate my life.

10. There was a night two years ago where I packed a pair of scissors into my sleeve and came seconds away from stabbing Ship in the throat. Our friendship eventually recovered.

11. I once called a girl I was infatuated with during a fight. the telephone was answered, and I promptly began to give a very stringent verbal lashing. I eventually finished, and was met by several seconds of silence before a response. When it came it went a little something like this:

"Would you like to speak to Rachel? This is her mother."

I decided to hang up with my cheeks flushed red.

12. I hate having short hair, but whenever I grow it out, it looks really terrible. I always end up cutting it off before it actually gets long enough to be considered long.

13. There was a night when I was sixteen that I stole a razor from work and then cut myself when I got home until I passed out from blood loss. I woke up in the morning. Luckily.

14. For my 18th birthday Caroline and Taylor got me a cake. Nick and I had been in Centerville at a baseball game, and when we returned, they had us meet them in the park. It was a good time for awhile. Then, Caroline took her index finger and rubbed some frosting on my face. I had quite a temper in those days, so I picked up what was remaining of the sheet cake and hit her in the face with it. She cried, but not because it hurt. She cried because I got frosting in her hair.

15. The number of concerts I have attended outweighs how many bands many of the people in my life have ever listened to.

16. In the eighth grade I went through a phase where I thought I was hood. At the time I was living in the Parkview subdivision of Pella, Iowa. I listened to 50 Cent's debut album, "Get Rich or Die Tryin" for the vast majority of everyday. I also had a brief career during this time as an aspiring rap artist. I failed at launching a multiplatinum run, but I did gain some great free style skills that I still hold onto today.

17. I am a hopeless romantic who is terrible at being in relationships. I have been known in the past to pick fights with significant others, just because I enjoyed having to think up some gesture that would get me back into her good graces. Now, I just forget the fights and bring girls flowers at work for fun. That's all I really want out of a relationship, someone to bring flowers to.

18. I can't remember the names (or how many) of all the girls I have kissed.

19. When I was a child I had a competitive artistic rivalry with Chad Brunsvold. He was always better than I was, which made me draw all the time in an attempt to catch up. When I moved away from Mason City in second grade, he gave me a picture he had drawn of a football player. It was awesome, well, at least for a second grader. I still draw most days, but I vary rarely show anyone my drawings because I have never seen myself as good at it.

20. The first CD I ever bought with my own money was SmashMouth's "AstroLounge." In hindsight it was a poor decision, mainly because I only bought it because Colin Boswell had it, and we spent everyday listening to it. Seeing as Colin and I spent every waking moment with each other playing THPS, watching MTV's Undressed, and spraying hornet's nests with SuperSoakers, it made no sense to have two copies.

21. I have attended church every sunday that I have been in Mason City for the last six months since moving back.

22. I once met a girl in math class on the first day of school, struck up a conversation with her, followed her across campus to the dorms trying to continue the conversation. I had made up my mind that she was going to fall in love with me. I have come to find out that she hated me that day. However, I was right that she would fall in love with me, eventually.

23. Through my junior year of high school I never thought that I would ever have a real friend. Since then, I have had many fulfilling relationships in my life, and I had many good friends before then as well. I never noticed that people cared about me, and I still often times feel super distant in relationships that many would consider close. I'm a stray dog, I'm a lone wolf, I can't help it. I love being alone, and I love spending time with myself.

24. One night during the Summer of 2007 I attempted to blow a port-a-potty to smithereens with Michael McMartin, the Sherminator, and Brandt. We went out to a boat ramp at the lake and stuffed the makeshift toilet with fireworks. It did not explode, however, it did make a lot of noise and smoke.

25. I someday hope to have a large tank (but not too large) filled with turtles that swim around and hangout with each other all day.

29.1.09

inelegant.

you should really just forget it.

you really don't have any idea.

to be quite honest, i always had you on string.

i got bored.

you didn't bring anything out inside of me.

maybe apathy.

it was never that good. you have over dramatized everything in your head.

quit wanting to be in love. i will honestly never care. at all.

stop thinking about me. i really am indifferent.

quit wasting both words and time on the subject of your broken heart.

people are tired of hearing your whining.

there is no need to try and catch my attention. i already told you goodbye.

you are behind me, and will always be invisible to me.

if you honestly think any of this makes you more dear to me, you couldn't be more wrong.

every time i am bothered by you in your small ways, i just can't wait until you aren't around anymore.

quit spreading rumors, especially when you are the most biased person to the situation.

you are fox news, just talking bullshit that people turn on to get a few laughs during times of extreme boredom.

i would hate you, if i cared at all. i just can't.

i never cared about you. that's why things ended.

i am not selfish enough to stay with someone that i have no real feelings for.

we were only friends out of circumstance, in my normal circles, we never would have crossed paths.

when i was here before i only talked to you out of desperation for conversation.

i never once called you then. i didn't even bother to get your number.

i know you will read this, because you can't keep your nose out of my life.

you will tell everyone how terrible i am.

it's really not true. you just can't seem to get the point.

we aren't in the same league. where i am from, you wouldn't have ever had the courage to talk to me.

i forgot that this fall.

i was bored.

i was out of ambition.

i was ready to settle for something that would be okay.

it was worse than that.

you have no idea. i let you go because i didn't want to hold on to just break your heart in worse ways.

for some reason you couldn't understand that.

i never wanted to see you hurt, i just couldn't be with you.

if you keep causing me headaches, you will see how terrible i can really be.

i don't want you to ever be a part of my life, and i never really cared that were.

so, please kindly fuck off.

p.s. your writing is forced and inelegant.