the me or the i

"and all your friends and sedatives mean well but make it worse"

i can't help but feeling like the water is rising, maybe the icecaps are melting, or maybe the rain has been falling against the hull for too long of a season, but it is evident that water didn't encompass me like this just days ago. there is a fight going on deep behind my furrowed brow, and i can't help but wonder if when the boxers finish dancing, who will stand? i've no longer the appetite to sleep, hunger pains ripping through my fragile limbs, keeping the light in my eyes. constantly i am concerned about the way you are living, so far away, i have no idea what is possible, and if i have the stomach for it. i want to live, i want to breathe, i want to watch the sun set. i want to show my children the ink in my arms with a wink when they come home and are worried about what the punishments will be. with her its as though i am changing, being molded into the person i've always shown in the light, but not the man i am when the shadows crawl over my skin. slowly the are turning around and around, no one throwing a punch, just slowly circling, like swordsman entrenched in a cinematic battle. one blade is bound to break the other, so let us see who can rise, the me or the i.