willing to pay the ransom

"without faith the sky isn't as blue"

there is a highly likely possibility that i am teetering on the edge of a full mental collapse due to lack of sleep. however, it is equal in probability that i have run out of the elixir that has been coursing through my veins in the recent weeks, causing yet another with drawl of sorts. i have never encountered such a situation as this in all my days compiling to this one. i am completely comfortable with the person i have become, memorizing the parts to play had waxed too long, and now i have forgotten the script, venturing to bare these facts and burdens from behind no uncomfortable mask, but right now, i want to flee and hide. from what? i am completely and utterly drowning within my own loneliness. there is no one here to run from except myself. there is the ill fated chance that i just want to run back to the places and persons who would dictate what and who i should be, then i wouldn't have to face my cracked and fading complexion in the mirror with each waking breath. it is as though i have found a place of solitude and the piercing silence is holding me hostage, and i have no savior willing to pay the ransom. our generation is drowning behind dimly lit computer screens, grasping through the darkness to encounter the right words to form some kind of real and unalterable bond. i want to be someone's one and only. so badly. i want to wander hand and hand searching for nothing other than the words that can convey how much i hope she needs me just as fatally as i will need her. i want nothing more than to sit in comfortable silence, her head on my chest, passing the evening without any strain or care. i have lost faith in this saturday morning story board, but i hope that in my hopelessness that someone will fulfil the script inside my own head. i am fading, i am lost, i am faltering.