"don't worry, i'll catch you."

i need to take a holiday, but where can you escape yourself? i feel as though i do not belong at the crossroads i find myself at, each vainly extending path leading to ruin or shame. this must be the retribution for my squandered youth, the haphazard punishment for long forgotten sins. i see the diamonds slowly trickling down through the frail hourglass, this time we have wasted has come at a great cost. i am the forgotten vaudeville star on an empty stage, washed from the limelight by unfaithful eyes. so many nights i have wished to be uncompromisingly loved and accepted by those who have found favor in these fading blue eyes, to no avail or purpose. i am jack's forgotten friend. i often half heartedly contemplate if i am writing these over extended words to anyone in particular. we are a flawed generation, our existence outlined in glowing monitors and empty orange pill cases. we are taught not to show that we care, but still do it immensely, for if we all were to show our true colors the others may not find us acceptable of charismatic. i am reaching for the bottom, with the hope of salvation, knowing whole heartedly that i will come out empty handed once again. what does it fucking take to make it out of here? i am trapped. i always blamed that sleeping midwestern town and those beautiful trapping brown eyes, but the problems have always been deep inside this tumultuous arrangement of veins and organs. i am fading quickly now, to quick to catch, but i always took those words as truth, "don't worry, i'll catch you."