i see hope inside her eyes

an uneasiness is setting in. it is as though i am sitting on my porch, looking out over the green fields, storm on the horizon, cigarette in hand, wondering which will shake me worse, the carcinogens or the thunder. i see hope inside her eyes, but i wonder if it is just mistaken, a handful of dying dandelions that that will be spread with the wind to choke out and destroying other thriving plants. she consoles me, but fails to recognize what the quintessential moments are under this ever unkempt stubble. she can not be expected to replace what is lost, especially on such a brief time schedule, but she is carefully filling the gaps god left vacant between my rigid fingers. right now i am not thinking in a conscious stream, more like water slowly prickling through a crack in a concrete fortress, soon the water will wash over everything, either ravaging the countryside or washing it clean. right now i need her, right now i need this, and it is so unfair to her. i can not ask her to take this shell of man and make something out of it. my dreams flicker out like streetlamps, and my words fall short of what comes to mind. i need something, and it may not be her. i have lost my grip and have stumbled into a free fall.