someone has pulled the plug on my bathtub

often i use this as a place to vent my attempts at prose, but not right now. i feel empty all of a sudden, like someone has pulled the plug on my bathtub. one minute full of steaming, soapy water, the next an empty basin. lately i have been vacantly scanning my life for things that make me unhappy, unsuccessfully, for the first time in my life. however, i feel as if i was viewing the photograph with too narrow a lens, now i have gained a broader perspective. maybe it's the lack of sleep or maybe it's something else. i think i've grown numb. the sedatives we each choose make life too easy to watch slide by. i remember the days when we would climb buildings, scream our lungs out to thursday, go to garage sales, and just find things to entertain our growing minds. now i spend my life behind the wheel, parked, watching it all drift by. i want to be free. i feel like everything in life has been leading me here, the place where i split. right now it's as if i have two sides, which may be a gift from my bipolar, or maybe it's just the way things are, i really don't know. there is the side of me that longs to be free, longs to spend the rest of my days skating with an amazing beard, covered in tattoos, a forty in one hand, a cigarette in the other, tearing this small town apart. then there is the side of me that wants to grow up. cut the beard and the hair, wear a suit, fallow the american dream. i don't know, i don't know anything any more. don't count on me unless you're counting me out, and even then don't be so sure.


listening to:
fool in the photograph - sunny day real estate
subterranean homesick alien - radiohead
empires between us - the skies we built
the push game - sherwood
ann arbor - the get up kids
no children - the mountain goats
shield your eyes - jawbreaker
paint's peeling - rilo kiley