let them slip out of focus

life is like a stop motion work. everything seems to be trapped inside my mind in lapses. it just moves rapidly from one frame to another, the figures moving with very little fluidity. as a frame falls, as the pages of a calendar turn, the people present in my life are constantly shifting and rearranging. for one day there are the important ones, the ones that will always be a shadow cast on the background, no matter if they can actually be captured within that simple frame. however, more often then not i let them slip out of focus, forgetting what has built the image itself. i want to open the camera and expose the film, leaving the script to be completely rewritten with more precision and thoughtfulness. everything for me seems to be in constant cycles and this is no where more apparent than in my relationships with particular individuals. i will go months without consulting with those who matter most, and i will barely notice that they have slid from the forefront of my life. i'm a miserable excuse for a friend, however, this was never my intention. i spread myself to thin, like paint over too broad of a canvas, i can not possibly cover the surface i had envisioned. maybe someday i will realize how to correct this tendency, however, as the days go by and i find myself older, i contemplate the simple truth that this is what makes me who i am. i constantly fading figure on the radar of so many different people.