bad guy.

growing up i was always infatuated with the bad guy. through the many cinematic adventures of my youth, i was always slightly ashamed of my unabashed love of the evil doer in any plot. the villain always got better girls, better cars, better lives. i mean, honestly, yoda lived in an acidic swamp while darth vader was tooling around the galaxy demolishing entire planets from his death star.

that's where it all must have started. i tried to emulate "the cool." i painted myself all sorts of villains. a rebel with a cigarette and a white v-neck, constantly mumbling negative words to cover up the lack of meaning in any of it. a boy posed as a hard living man with a three days beard and a flannel shirt.

i never played a very convincing bad guy, always a little to friendly, always a little to kind hearted in the end. i guess i always will. all i really want anymore is to believe. lately i have been better about it.

the last week has been something of great cinematic writing. a family framed in an upstairs apartment as the television painted the walls around you and i. there was another smaller hand clasped around my finger, there was a third head resting on your shoulder. we slow danced a day later. quietly, wrapped in the thought of each other as an old soul singer whispered your name through the speakers.

now, i will play the devil while i forget advocacy all together. as long as you don't love me with all of you, i will never be your knight in shining armor. as long as this doesn't change i will always be the bad guy to everyone i know.

so, now as always, say goodnight to the bad guy.