today will be arduously filled with preparation. a new bank account, cleaning clothes, finishing the last things that need to be done before i return to the place i just so recently fled. i do not have any allusions about what i am going to or what will happen when i am there, no, i just have no idea. with part of me, i miss that town, with everything i have. i miss the nights sitting outside chain smoking reds while listening to robbie babble incoherently about van halen. i miss all of the boys who pose as young men joining into a toast while lucky boy's confusion plays in the background, words being slurred. however, as much as these things were all well and good in their time, i feel like the time has passed for the forays of youth, and now i approach this weekend with a sort of dread. what will it be like? to see him, to see her, to see the way things have transcended time and now lay on the cold floor of modern perception? i am trying to have an open mind, i am trying to enjoy myself no matter what, but i have a feeling bordering on belief that something is going to happen that i don't want to be privy to. i can see the swell off shore in a sense, and yet i keep sitting in the coarse sand, debating whether or not it will come ashore and shake me indefinably. we will see, we will discover.
listening to -
nas - hate me now (stillmatic)
fall out boy - sophomore slump or comeback of the year (from under the cork tree)
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