oh, i will.

when i grow up i don't want hardly anything at all. maybe with maturity it gets easier to watch your dreams fade with the setting sun, or maybe i have finally decided what is important in life. i do not want fame, i do not wealth, i do not want anything other than experiance. i want to live in obscurity, away from the mainstream, but not rejecting it. ideally, in ten or so some odd years i will be able to purchase a house outside of a small town where i can live out my days. i have no intention of becoming a hermit, but it seems instead of on national television, i would much rather suffer a lonely fate. that's the thing i gained from all of those nights overflowing with connor's words and absolute, i found out how to not be alone, ever. there are two of me, and sometimes i hang out with myself, and i could do it ever day, forever. mainly because at long last, as boy meets world holiday special as it sounds, i have a finally incurred a deep sense of personal respect. i love who i am, not necessarily who i have been. at times in the past i acted as a foolhardy boy, concerned only with cementing the insecurities that easily defined me. clarity, overwhelming perceptiveness is what i view the world with now. now that i have gained this vision, i feel ready. ready to be done with school, done with half-hearted relationships, done with the race. i feel like a fifty year old man. i want nothing more than to have my place away from the world where i can read, write, and spend time with someone significant for the rest of the days i have. now, i have to get it, and, oh, i will.

listening to -
lost - coldplay viva la vida
handlebars - flobots fight with tools
the documentary - the game the documentary