smile.

i have no idea how to start this or where i am going with it all. i've erased my own words several times this evening, hoping to put down exact thoughts, but failing miserably. i know that today it was there. i felt it. i saw it in her smile, the smile that i would like to imagine that only i can put on her face. i looked up, and there it was. i wanted to giggle like i would have when i was five, i was overcome with joy. that is a moment i will be lost in for as long as i have the ability to remember. in that second it came clear. i know now what i hadn't been dreaming of knowing. in that split-second, it made sense. neither one of us expected to be here, especially not at the same time, ever again. this wasn't planned upon, this is an inconvenience. however, in that smile i saw what i did know all along. no matter how many days pass, no matter how distant it gets, there is nothing that will change that feeling she gives me. i know if i walked away tomorrow and reappeared so many months or years from now, she would still not be able to contain that look. the one i know must be written all over my face. also, i found out today, that if i were to runaway, never to return, she would still wonder years from now what would have happened if only i stayed. it was humbling. i am encapsulated. usually this is where things get tense, i start to over analyze every motion in the situation. this time i feel calm. i have a sneaking suspicion that i have shattered the time table that has worn so ragged on my mind. i feel like my day will come. i feel like my day may not be here, but one day it will come.

listening to -

i'm wide awake, it's morning - bright eyes