for familiarity.

i have composed myself throughout the day, made the necessary phone calls, run the errands that needed running, and now i have made it to the point where i am ready. i do not feel threatened by returning to the place i once nightly wandered the streets as a stranger, no, for familiarity was never something i associated with that small town. i am wishing that i could view the weekend, and then make a decision of whether to go or not. this could be a positive. i needed break from this northern outpost before the severities and hardships of school begin. this could also be a negative in several ways. the first possibility is that i will just long to be away from that place the entire time that i am there. that was what it felt like as i left the last few times, desperation to be away from that place. however, now that a sufficient amount of time has passed i fear another consequence. i fear what pella will always do for me, it always seems to pull me back. that is what i am so tense about, i have no idea if once there i will ever want to leave again, although i have no option. this is what lead me back every weekend, and then eventually through relocation, back to pella semipermently. i want it to be done, i am ready for it to begin, and hopefully, just hopefully, it will be a good visit.


listening to -
isabel - ray lamontange live from bonaroo '05
empty - ray lamontange live from bonaroo '05