foundations.

am i incredulous? do i see the things that aren't even there? is it all just a game of wraiths and misinterpreted patterns, emerging to paint the ghastly scene a vivid red? my words fall to ears that only ask why. maybe that is the best defense that i have yet to learn. we are too old for innocence. far to out of step with our childhoods to claim that level of absentmindedness. for the first time, i'm not afraid. i am stronger than this. i am bigger than this. i am too far gone for you to realize just yet. there have been a thousand times that i have told you that i was going to be done, half-hearted warnings that always sounded hollow. they were. this however, this is the product of carefully constructed evolution. last time, you shook my world to the foundations, everything falling freely to the ground. surprise. we stand stronger with each and every disaster. you can't shake me, but i can destroy you now. the tables turned. sometimes i just don't know why you try and play this game. do you want a song? do you want an epic? do you want more than words? you can't have it, and he won't give it to you. paint the tragedy again. what do you expect? is this going to be another time where i isolate in the same room, storm my fingers across the same keyboard, and listen to your phone ring for hours? no. there will be no weeks of careful abstinence from showering, eating, sleeping. there will be nothing. we had this funeral already, we can't have it every week. it's been dead for awhile now. i wish that i could have seen it before. there were the good times, that weren't even close to great. i wish you were the things i said, i wish you made me feel the way i claimed. i wish i had sat there far from you and had laid restless for nights in a row. i didn't. there were too many others. you act like i have no one else to run to. no one else to care. i did. all the time. i know you cheated, what stopped me? nothing. at all. i'm so sick of it. the endless reincarnations of the same situations. this time i choose a different course of action. this time i keep my head up. i will fall, but not for you. not this time. otherwise, i will play the fool. i can't play the fool anymore. i've done it too long. SO THIS IS IT. FROM HERE ON OUT IT IS DONE. I WALK AWAY. if not, it will be the end.