going, going, gone nowhere

right now i want to be alone. just my books, my music, and my pen. well, and me, but just the ghost of me that i am becoming. i lost it today. under the gray iowa fall skies i had that thought, the one that's been gone so long. it was back. it left already. for a minute it seemed like it made sense, but then i realized it was her actions crossing my wires. i'm sorry. i want the best. you just aren't it, especially anymore. you say you changed? change means a difference, not just more elaborate lies to cover your sins. i'm fading. i'm going, going, gone nowhere yet again, and here i am back at the bottom.